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The How I Met Your Mother Kink meme!

Here's the deal. You post a request anonymously and then some awesome anon comes and fills it anonymously with fic (or art!)


Just a few guidelines to get it started off:

-Any pairing, anything – yes, RPS too. If you have a deep longing for Barney/Neil Patrick Harris or Ted/Mother consensual heterosexual sex in a missionary position for the sake of procreation, then go for it and request away.

-for that matter, "PG-rated fluff" and "epic gen between Barney and Ted" are also allowed (and encouraged!)

-Remember guys, what turns you on might squick others and vice versa. If it grosses you out, please keep scrolling!

-When you request, do try and fill out something else if you can. This is more a suggestion than anything, as I don't want to limit you guys, but if no one writes, it will be sad.

-Masterlist of kink memes

-a list of kinks to get you started

-de-anoning for the brave and shameless!

SUIT UP, ANONS.
Page 1 of 5 << [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] >>

Date: 2010-03-16 02:05 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney/Ted -- "strip club" is code for "bathroom sex".

Date: 2010-03-16 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
OMG. *wants*

Stall

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-16 07:12 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Stall

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-17 12:48 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Stall

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 02:56 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 02:17 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Robin/Lily (because we all know Lily has a big ol' crush on Robin!) - Sex at Robin's work

Date: 2010-03-28 03:50 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
It was late -- and by late, she meant early morning -- when Lily arrived with a bagel as a surprise gift. Robin was the last one left in the building, as usual, dusting off her desk. It's not like they could afford cleaners.

"Surprise," Lily said meekly, as she appeared in the doorway holding a paper back. Robin felt more aware of the eyebags forming on her face but ignored the feeling of tiredness as she leapt, practically into the arms of her best friend. Both of them giggled profusely.

"You may not remember, but today's the anniversary of when we first hung out at the bar, alone." Robin simply hugged her harder, and actually felt like crying of gratitude.

They decided to share the bagel at the anchors' desk, pretending to announce every bite as this-just-in news and then laughing at each other right after. Robin asked where Marshall was; Lily softly replied that he was asleep. She said Ted had crashed early, too, and wouldn't even look at Robin when she asked where Barney was.

That told her everything. She felt a sting in her chest that immediately spread like wildfire. Outwardly, all she could do was sigh. "What's wrong, Robin?" Lily asked, concern etched on her face.

"I'm just... Really tired of men right now." Her voice cracked, and the tears still fresh from her breakup threatened to return at that very moment. Lily cooed and drew her into another hug, whispering things in her ear as hands wove through her hair.

Robin knew it was wrong, and really should've learned her lesson after the first time she slept with Barney. She was vulnerable -- plain and simple -- and would've willingly slept with a hobo had one remotely cast her a sympathetic glance. But she was thankful, because this was Lily, and somehow in her heart, she felt the other woman would understand.

part 2/2

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-28 03:50 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: part 2/2

From: [identity profile] idioticonion.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-28 04:02 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 02:23 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Lily/Marshall/Barney - Because Lily's really curious what Barney's like in bed and Marshall is a little bit too.

Date: 2010-03-16 05:26 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
WANT THIS

AU from Perfect Week (1/2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-16 06:47 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: AU from Perfect Week (2/2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-16 06:48 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: AU from Perfect Week (2/2)

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 03:01 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: AU from Perfect Week (2/2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-19 04:55 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 02:28 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney/Ted - coming in pants.

Article 146

Date: 2010-03-16 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Bro code Article 146. A Bro refrains from using too much detail when relating sexual exploits to his Bros.

2006

When they were alone (well, when Marshall had cried himself to sleep and Robin had headed back to Brooklyn to pick up some of her things) Ted could finally lay it all on the line.

And boy, did he lay it all on the line.

"Oh man," Ted said, after he'd already described in great detail the first two times he and Robin had sex. "So the third time, I get her to, like, kinda kneel down?" He scootches up the couch, trying to demonstrate with his hands and his own body, "with, like, her butt in the air?"

Barney makes a low, groaning sound of desperation, but Ted pushes right on.

"And then while she's like that, I slide in behind her, like..." He makes finger puppets in the air, describing in lurid detail, exactly how he gets himself off, gets her going, and then they get into some practically-impossible position where his head is upside down between her thighs.

Barney lets out a hot breath, his mouth forming an "O" of surprise, and he hurriedly grabs a cushion and covers his lap.

"I hate you Mosby..." He growls, when Ted realizes what's happened. It does, of course, send Ted into hysterical laughter.

"Dude! Gross!" Ted laughs.

"Totally sending you the dry cleaning bill for my pants, man." Barney growls, trying to stand up awkwardly.

"Worth it," Ted says with an evil smile.

"Hate you," Barney repeats. "This never happened."

Ted covers his mouth with his hand. "I think you need a new Bro Code Article to cover this," he laughed, as Barney backed out of the apartment, glaring back at him furiously, before storming out.

Re: Article 146

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 03:02 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Article 146

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-20 09:15 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 03:14 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Ted/Mother - breakfast performance

Date: 2010-03-16 03:15 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Ted/Mother/Lily/Marshall - front porch

Date: 2010-03-16 03:26 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Ted/Robin - surprising erogenous zones.

Date: 2010-03-16 06:51 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Ooh, I want to see this theme with Barney/Ted.

Haircut

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-17 08:27 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Haircut

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 03:03 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 03:34 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Neil/Jason. Neil was WAY more impressed by Jason's, erm, /performance/ in Forgetting Sarah Marshall than he let on.

An old story

Date: 2010-03-17 09:01 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Just in case I don't know you, I've un-f-locked this story, written in 2008, because it's very similar to your prompt.
Part One (http://idioticonion.livejournal.com/43903.html) - Part two is linked from this.

This doesn't mean that I don't want to see someone do something more contemporary. Somebody do it!

Date: 2010-03-16 04:48 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney/Robin Public!sex. preferrably Tim Hortons

Date: 2010-03-16 06:07 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Just so you know I'm writing this but it's turning out hella long so it's taking a while but someone likes this enough to write it

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-16 06:40 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-16 06:41 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 05:05 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Marshall/Barney - Because Marshall had a suit and we all know who Barney's real best friend is.

Date: 2010-03-23 12:22 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney is a few steps short of practically humping him, and that’s not the sort of reputation he wants to have, ever, so he ushers the blonde into the restroom. The entire time, the shorter male is practically wrapped around him, rubbing against his suit like a cat in heat. He swears he can even hear him mewl in satisfaction as he continues rutting against Marshall’s side.

The suited man – yes, he’s the suited man, for once – chuckles as he hauls Barney, drunk with desire for his outfit, to a corner and slips off his jacket. He gently places it on the blonde’s shoulders, suppressing the urge to laugh at him, suit jacket so large it goes way past his hips and wraps around him like a cloak.

“Better?” He says, rubbing the padded shoulders. Barney looks up at him, blue eyes shining with gratitude as he quickly nods and presses his face against Marshall’s chest, having decided to molest his tie next. The lawyer backs him up against the corner of the restroom, shrouding him in shadow. With that desperate look and an overlarge jacket over his T-shirt and jeans, Barney looks years younger.

Marshall revels in the moment, fingers slipping in through the bottom of Barney’s shirt and settling on his waist. He’s thrusting now, and Barney’s thrusting back and they’re dry-humping now alright, with no one to see them. Marshall, perfectly happy with the set-up, presses his mouth against the other male’s and probing it expertly with his tongue. Barney groans in satisfaction, tangling his fists in the folds of Marshall’s suit and tie, as if trying to meld into them somehow.

Marshall’s hands drift southward to squeeze that perfect ass, accentuated by the jeans he’s never seen Barney wear before. It’s a moment he wants to enjoy while it lasts.

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-23 12:50 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-27 09:30 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 05:16 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Marshall/Ted/Barney - Based off Three Days Rule. Both Marshall and Barney are convinced that they're the one who can blow Ted's mind. They compete to decide once and for all who's right.

Date: 2010-03-16 05:25 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
OMG I want this!!! someone write it!!

Star

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-19 06:26 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Star

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-20 02:07 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Star

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-27 09:34 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 05:18 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Josh/Neil - character bleed from The Paris Letter.

Date: 2010-03-16 07:33 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
"Uh, Josh? I really don't mean to be rude, but . . . what the fuck are you doing?"

Neil was pretty sure he had the right to be alarmed, because what Josh was doing was trying to stick his tongue down Neil's throat.

It started right before they were set to film Ted's Super Date thing, and Josh dragged him off to Ted's bedroom, asking him to help him make the proper gooey and romantic faces. Neil wasn't sure why he needed help; Josh was ridiculously good at making those faces, but he agreed anyway.

And then Josh kissed him. There wasn't any build up or warning. It was just Josh hands on his face and his lips pressed against his and his tongue touching his teeth.

After he pulled away and Neil stared at him in shock, Josh shrugged. "Come on, dude. I've kissed you before, but I was always in some character. I wanted to know what it was like as just Josh and Neil."

Neil tilted his head. Josh really did make a good point, and Neil couldn't pretend that he didn't miss certain scenes of The Paris Letter, but . . . "What about David?"

Josh grimaced. "Yeah. I don't know. Sorry."

He started to get up, but Neil put a hand on his arm. "I guess . . . we could always blame character bleed." His heart was pounding hard, because even though this was so wrong, it was so hot too.

Josh grinned, then leaned over and kissed Neil thoroughly, tasting every part of his mouth, claiming him.

Neil gasped, overwhelmed at the force with which Josh was making out with him. With David, Neil was always the dominant, but now he was completely under Josh's control, and it felt so unbelievably good.

"Neil! Josh! Time to go!"

They sprang apart at the director's call and stared at each other. Then Josh reached out to pat Neil's hair down, and Neil closed his eyes in half guilt, half exhilaration.

Later, when Ted and Barney looked at each other awkwardly after Ted's perfectly gooey song, Neil thought that maybe character bleed wasn't such a bad thing after all.

This is my hand

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-16 07:39 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 05:25 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Marshall/Barney, dom!Marshall, dark

An amazing writer in this fandom wrote a wonderfully creepy little dark fic that insinuated that Marshall had some darker tendencies that he didn't want to take out on Lily, so he takes them out on Barney instead...

I want more than insinuation!! Original writer (you know who you are) or someone else, pllleeeease write me some dark!Marshall/barney!!!

Expectations

Date: 2010-03-16 09:18 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Set after "Of Course"...

There's a hint of rebellion in Barney's eyes when Marshall slips inside the other man's office the next day. There's a rumble of anger in his voice and a sharp edge of jealousy, like the sounds of an approaching storm. "Why do you do that?" Barney whines. "Why are you encouraging Robin? You're supposed to be my Bro. If you're crushing so hard on Don then why don't you date him?"

Marshall's having none of it, and in two strides he has the other man pinned against the wall by his throat, almost sending one of his motivational posters crashing to the floor. "Shut your mouth," Marshall orders him, fingers scrabbling at Barney's fly, dragging down the zip and pulling at a handful of soft suit-pant until Barney gurgles with anger. "Belt!" Barney chokes. "Belt!"

Marshall shakes himself, sliding a finger under the leather tongue and pulling Barney's belt free of the buckle. He's still ultra-stressed from a morning being balled out by his boss and another attempt at giving up cigarettes and all he wants right now is to hurt someone. This is not the chain of screaming, although sometimes there's plenty of that. This is the chain of pain. He dishes it out, Barney takes it.

"Come on," he demands, his fingers tightening around Barney's throat, pressing into his windpipe. "You're mad at me, why not yell at me some more?" He grins, as Barney goes pale then a little blue and his throat makes a hollow rattling sound.

"Exactly," Marshall says, back-handing Barney across the face. "This isn't about you, dude, and your issues with Robin and Don. This is about me, and Lily and that jerk Scooter. Do you know how mad that Lunch Lady thing makes me? Do you know what I really wanna to do Lil when I think about that bozo's hands on her..."

Barney whimpers as his pants sink down around his hips and Marshall grabs his crotch. Barney shakes his head, blue eyes wide with fear, and Marshall knows he's not begging for himself. He's begging for Lily.

Don't hurt Lily, Barney's saying, silently pleading, the long column of his throat rubbed red raw from being half strangled.

Don't hurt Lily, he's asking, when Marshall squeezes, feeling Barney's soft cock and balls squish slightly in his fingers while he stares at the other man as if daring him to cry out.

But Barney's dick stiffens in his hand, it swells and pulses and Barney makes a little needy noise that means it's okay, he can take it; he can take anything Marshall gives him. "Dude!" He squeaks, and Marshall has to stuff his own tie in his mouth to shut him up.

Later, with Barney bent almost double over his own desk, and Marshall forcing his dick again and again between Barney's tight, gym-toned buttocks, he wonders if any of the women Barney sleeps with ever ask him about the marks? He wonders if Barney ever tries to explain the scratches and the bite marks and the bruises.

But really, when Marshall comes with a sighing spurt, and his mind goes blank and peaceful, he finds that he doesn't really care. Lily's waiting for him at home, and that's all that matters. And now he's pretty sure that Robin and Barney aren't going to get back together and put a stop to his and Barney's games, his wife is safe once more.

Re: Expectations

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 03:06 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 06:40 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney/Ted - tastes like freedom.

Tastes like freedom

Date: 2010-03-17 08:41 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Ted never thought that any of their friends really believed that he and Barney had actually licked the Liberty Bell. He thought that everyone knew that it was a euphemism. After all, didn't Marshall and Lily know for a fact that he was bisexual? Didn't they realize that "We met at the urinal" was code for "we had crazy monkey sex in a bathroom stall within minutes of meeting each other."

And yes, it was true that they went to Philly with some girls, because, you know, that's the "bi" in bisexual. But when they struck out, mostly because Barney is such a dick sometimes, all they had was each other.

"You want me to lick your Liberty Bell?" Barney asked in the cab on the way back to the airport.

Ted spluttered with laughter. "Never heard it called that before, man."

Barney grinned. "Well, we are in Philly aaaaand… a Bro never leaves another Bro hanging. It's the code."

Ted shrugged, with a glance over at the driver, who was intent on the road ahead, and beckoned Barney towards his lap.

It was the most fun he'd ever had on a cab ride to the airport, particularly as Barney had the suction of an industrial pump and seemed to possess no gag reflex whatsoever. When he was done, Ted thought that it was only right that he returned the favor. After all, a Bro does never leave another bro hanging. Particularly this Bro. It's called manners.

Later, in the bar, the both of them kept giggling and telling chicks how they'd "licked the Liberty Bell", making up more and more outrageous stories while all the while grinning at each other.

All in all, Ted had to admit, it was a pretty legendary adventure.

Re: Tastes like freedom

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 03:07 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Tastes like freedom

From: [identity profile] da-phoenix13.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 04:23 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Tastes like freedom

From: [identity profile] idioticonion.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 08:12 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Tastes like freedom

From: [identity profile] da-phoenix13.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 03:45 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney/Lily - an emotional affair (i.e. they don't actually have sex, but they both want each other)

Date: 2010-03-21 10:48 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
seconded hard

Date: 2010-03-16 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Robin/Mother/Barney. I don't care if Ted has or hasn't met the mother by this point but try to imply that this is something Ted never finds out about.

Date: 2010-03-16 07:46 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
She knows it's ridiculously complicated.

Robin loves Ted for some reason, Barney's sort of in love with Ted and Robin at the same time, Ted's got leftover feelings for Robin, and she's engaged to Ted.

Ted doesn't know she's doing this, but she and Barney made a pact of sorts, promising each other to bang his and Robin's feelings for Ted out of them.

So now Barney's thrusting madly into Robin, she's got her crotch shoved in Robin's face, and she's forcing her tongue down Barney's throat.

Like she said, complicated.

She knows Barney feels terrible about this, like he's betraying his bro. She knows she feels pretty bad too. She also knows that Robin doesn't give a flying fuck as long as she gets off.

When Robin comes, she yells Barney's name, which is good. Barney doesn't say anything when he finishes, but she can tell from his face that he's torn between having this thing with Robin and not having it with Ted. But he knows that she's the closest he'll ever get to Ted, so he'll take it and pretend he's happy.

They lay together in a tangled heap, all smiling in that blissful, sexed out way. They'll probably do it again, because those stupid feelings Robin and Barney have won't be going away any time soon. And besides, it's really fun. Ted's great in bed, but Barney's deliciously dirty.

And maybe, in the very far future when she's absolutely sure Ted is hers and only hers, he can join in too. But for now, the secret (and she) will be between Robin and Barney.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 03:07 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Marshall/Lily - wedding night

Date: 2010-03-22 11:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com
I wrote a five drabble smut series when one of the drabbles covers this prompt so I'll post the link (http://snogged.livejournal.com/427172.html#cutid1).

But I highly encourage others to tackle it differently :)

Date: 2010-03-16 08:54 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney/Ted coming out to everyone

Date: 2010-03-18 02:27 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Please someone write this!! :)

Date: 2010-03-16 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Lily/Marshall - Lily fantasizes about a woman (preferably Robin) while Marshall goes down on her

Date: 2010-03-20 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Marshall raised his eyebrow and smiled at her and Lily knew what came next. What always came next. (Before her).

He lifted himself up onto his elbows, and moved down her body. Her nipples were stiff and hard, and shining in the aftermath of Marshall's tongue.

He kissed down her stomach, making the band of muscle shiver under his skin and then his breath was cool against her pussy and her legs were wide, wide open.

She'd never had any problem remembering whose nose was brushing against what remained of her bush, or whose fingers were spreading her lips open, but Robin suddenly popped into her head with an intensity that made her clit twitch.

Robin, who yesterday had been bra-less on the sofa while they were watching TV, and whose round, full breasts Lily had been looking at for a solid minute before she realized she was staring. She'd deduced that Robin's nipples were thick and full under the thin cotton, and, as Marshall's tongue flicked lightly over her clit, she pictured Robin taking off her shirt. Taking off her shirt and leaning forward so that her full breasts swung and dipped before Lily's eyes. Leaned forward and wriggled her own fingers beneath her yoga pants and then brought them out to show Lily that they were gleaming with wetness.

Her pussy was aching now, and Marshall, eyes closed, was sucking on her clit. She closed her eyes, and felt, not saw, one of his fingers brushing over her entrance.

Robin had her yoga pants off now, and was spread wide open on the sofa, knees held apart. Lily imagined herself lowering her own mouth to Robin's warm pussy lips. Separating them with her tongue, and tasting the musky wetness from Robin's skin. She imagined the sound of Robin's breath hitching with desire, as Lily found her clit with her tongue and laved over it.

Lily could hear her own breath coming in pants now, and the pleasure between her legs was so intense that she couldn't separate the sensations caused by Marshall's tongue and Marshall's fingers, which she could hear thrusting wetly inside her.

Lily yanked her legs wider, so that she could feel the pull on her asshole, and Marshall took that as his cue to pick up the pace of his licking. She could feel the pleasurable pressure gathering, gathering, and picking her up towards the peak.

The Robin in her own head was jerking her hips now, fucking Lily's mouth with her clit, and something made imaginary Lily take her finger and slide it inside Robin's asshole. She could feel Robin's pussy spasm against her tongue, feel the clench of Robin's asshole round her finger.

Lily groaned as she exploded, the sensation so overwhelming that she felt the rush of blood away from her head. Marshall kept his tongue moving, even though her thighs were now clamped against his head, and she came twice more, with a yell that the neighbors must have heard.

she unwrapped her legs and fell back against the pillow, spent. Marshall grinned at her, the lower half of his face wet with her juices. She kissed him, the taste of her familiar scent rich on his tongue.

"That was great, baby."

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-20 09:16 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-20 09:20 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-20 10:14 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-16 09:30 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Neil/Alyson/Jason - what happened AFTER the blooper threesome from "Third Wheel"

The girl can't help it (part 1 of 2)

Date: 2010-03-20 03:16 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
How did Neil know?

The question floats around tantalizingly in her mind as she feels Neil's tongue sweep across the sensitive skin below her earlobe, and then over the shell of her ear. She's already moaning happily from the brief kiss Jason gave her, but what Neil's doing with his tongue has made her all warm and tingly. His thumb strokes the underside of her chin, making her smile as he pulls away and she's still smiling and glowing a little when Jason leans in for a piece of the action.

They didn't plan this, not really, not beyond a jokey reference about shocking the crew. They didn't plan this, so how did Neil know? How did he know how she loved a guy to play with her ears, kiss them, fondle them, how it send a delicate heat through her belly to that sweet spot between her legs.

Thing is, she always had a bit of a thing for Neil - it's not like Alexis doesn't know that. And Jason is just a big puppy, his kisses are bright and sloppy and enthusiastic enough. But Neil kisses him, a little cursorily, and turns his attention back to her, all blue-eyes and soft hair and hands around her waist, pulling her down onto Ted's bed. She doesn't even realize that Jason's stripped off his t-shirt until her screen-husband comes crashing down on top of her and the touch of his bare flesh makes her squeal.

The crew are in hysterics.

She pulls away from the guys, kicking out with booted feet, suddenly intensely aware how short her dress is, how easily they could pull it up around her waist, even rip the material with their big hands as they both fought for her panties…

Aly blushes and giggles for a while after, even when the three of them retreat across the sound stage to their dressing room. Without a word, Neil taps Jason on the shoulder and nods his head towards the set used for Barney's abortive three-way. It's deserted right now, in darkness except for emergency lights. The two guys drag Aly inside and she follows them, giggling.

She's not sure what's going on, but she's still tingling, still so incredibly turned on. In the gloom she hears the smack of lips and the rustle of clothing. She can barely see a thing but she feels - warm, firm, well muscled skin, quick clever fingers.

She's always had a thing for Neil.

While the two boys make out, she boldly reaches out for them, feeling Jason's khaki shorts and Neil's boxers. Wow, how did Neil get down to his boxers already?

Then there are hands all over her, dragging her down onto the thick white rug, and she quickly loses balance and lands, half-sprawled on top of Jason. Before she can orient herself, she can feel Neil kneeling down behind her, on knee nudging her legs apart, his lips moving across from the back of her neck to just behind her ear.

God damn it! How does he know?

It's her biggest erogenous zone and she moans loudly into Jason's chest, grinding herself against him, feeling his anaconda of an erection through the thin material of her panties. Neil's already gotten his hands down the back of them, under her skirt, and his squeezing her ass gently.

"Anyone got a condom?" Jason asks with a theatrically loud whisper. Aly feels the guys exchange something, feels Neil's arm extend downwards, and then there's the quiet rip of foil squares and the snap of latex.

Before she has a chance to come to her senses, Neil's tongue is playing with her ear again. "Neil," she breathes. "Oh god… Jason!"

Re: The girl can't help it (part 1 of 2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-20 03:20 pm (UTC) - Expand

That should have been 2/2

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-20 03:21 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-17 12:03 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney/Ted - One morning Barney wakes up a woman

Unf - part 1

Date: 2010-03-17 08:10 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney often wakes up with a handful of boob and a tumble of long hair tickling his nose. His sleepy response to this to reach down, over his chest and across this stomach, to grip the thick column of his dick and give it a couple of tugs, before maybe scratching his balls. Y'know, just to wake himself up in case his companion wants to go another round.

But today when he reaches down, his stomach feels soft and round and weird, and there's no reassuring shape of cock, there's just a neatly trimmed mound of pubic hair.

He screams like a girl, eyes flying wide open, his hands flailing around, batting at the dirty blonde curls in his eyes which he can't seem to get free of.

Then he lays perfectly still, his heart pound-pounding in his chest, eyes wide open. His thoughts scramble, jump and chase each other in dead-panic. Last night? Jesus, he's been Bobbit-ed! What happened last night? Wasn't there a chick, at the bar, who shouted tearfully at him and cussed him out and told him that he'd regret whatever he'd done to her? Didn't she promise him that he'd know how it felt?

Jesus! He reaches down again, his lips forming the words "No! No! No!" over and over again, and gropes carefully for the Barnana. Nothing. He probes the empty mound between his legs, finds the slick slit and freezes. Then, tears in his eyes, he brings a shaking hand up his body, expecting to see the bloody remnants of his once-proud manhood.

But there's nothing. Except a slendar hand with long red fingernails.

Dramatically, he flings back the covers and looks down at his body.

"What the fuck?" He says, in a throaty contralto. Instead of the expected specimen of male perfection he expects to see, he finds something else instead.

Overnight, it seems, he's been transformed into a hot chick.

"Okay, okay," he says, trying to calm himself down, tell himself it's a dream, or a drug-induced hallucination. But at the same time he's staring down in abject fascination at what he's uncovered. He carefully cups one of his breasts and shivers at the sensation, then he pinches it. This doesn't wake him up but he yelps in protest, and his throat seems weird, his voice is off, transposed up a key. It's still undoubtedly his voice, but it's softer, warmer, lighter in tone.

He scrambles out of bed and staggers over to the mirror. He feels top heavy, and when he catches sight of himself, long slendar legs, shapely hips, and jutting breasts, he realizes why. Those bazoingaz scream "boob job" to him, but a quick experimental feel suggests that they are, in fact, real.

"Dude!" He says slowly, watching his own startled expression. His eyes are very wide, and very blue, with long lashes. His lips are full and dusky-rose pink. He has a mass of long, curly, strawberry blonde hair cascading down his back, which tosses and shimmers as he moves his head. He has... awesome boobs.

Unf - part 2

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-17 08:11 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Unf - part 2

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-17 02:43 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Unf - part 2

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-17 03:14 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-17 12:10 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Office sex! Any pairing, any office. Creative uses for ties/stockings a bonus.

Date: 2010-03-17 07:10 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney/Robin - Post-breakup, I-can't-help-myself-when-I'm-around-you sex. :)

Bad Romance

Date: 2010-03-17 06:40 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Robin can't sit next to Barney in the booth anymore. When she sits next to Barney bad things happen. Things like fingers slipping silently under the hem of her dress, sketching doodles across the skin of her thigh, higher and higher towards the hot core of her. Things like her reaching down for a dropped fork or knife only to gently squeeze the warm bulge between his legs with crafty, teasing fingers.

Bad things happen. Bad, secret things. Bad because she's been dating, and she's now supposed to be exclusive with Don. Bad because the secret is too much of a turn-on to resist.

Bad things happen every time she sits next to Barney. Every. Single. Time.

So when Don meets someone at the Bar, an old friend, and begins what looks like an extended conversation, the fact that she slides smoothly onto the bench next to Barney should bother her a lot more than it does. The guilt should flare up harder and more painfully than it does.

His hand on her thigh should shock and appal her more than it does.

Bad things happen, sometimes almost instantly, when she sits in the booth next to Barney.

Lily's talking to them, smilingly oblivious, while Barney's fingers creep beneath the lace of her panties and trace a line between her folds. Robin squeezes her thighs together, trapping him there, and she smiles as he swallows his scotch with a look of pained confusion.

Then he waggles his fingers. Bolts of pleasure flood through her. It's only the many months of practice that stop her screaming and yelling and throwing her head back in abandon like Meg Ryan in that movie.

He waggles his fingers and she coughs, waving Lily away as her friend looks on in concern.

Robin yanks herself from the booth, running to the restroom, almost breaking a heel in her desperation to get away, far away, from that smirk, those eyes, those fingers.

She stares into the mirror for a very long time, telling herself over and over that she'll never do that again, that it's still cheating, even if they don't have sex.

She wants Don now. Don, she tells herself. Don, her wonderful, kind-hearted, intelligent, romantic boyfriend who's taking her out to dinner tonight.

"Don!" She says, firmly, at her reflection.

Damn it, why does her reflection look like all she wants is to have sex with Barney?

Re: Bad Romance

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-17 07:31 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Bad Romance

From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-18 03:09 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-17 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Ted/Barney, instead of becoming suitwearing!awesome womanizing Barney, he swears off women and decides to date men. Then he runs into douchey!pretentious!College Ted where he works. Pretentious coffeehouse discussions and poetry ensue. Sex optional, but encouraged.

Date: 2010-03-17 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'm not snogged, but here are two of her fics that are pretty much that:

Subject to Interpretation - http://snogged.livejournal.com/369039.html

Back to Mocha - http://snogged.livejournal.com/380695.html

Back to Mocha is a sequel to Subject to Interpretation. And they're both porny. ;)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-03-20 05:43 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-03-17 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Barney/author's choice, "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick."

Wanna take a ride? (1/2)

Date: 2010-03-20 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Summer 2009

1. Love games

Robin knows that she has only herself to blame, as she pushes through the densely-packed tangle of sweaty bodies. After all, she was the one to back Marshall's suggestion that they all go to a club tonight, to show that they are "still relevant" and can "totally break it down". Robin's pretty convinced, after spending an hour in this hell-hole, that she's no longer either relevant nor has any ability to break it down. In fact, all she feels is old.

So she tries to sneak out the back for a smoke, but by the time she gets to the exit, all she feels is exhausted and bedraggled. To make matters worse, it's pouring with rain. Shielding her eyes, she peers around the alley and, blinking the water away, noticed a lone figure, ethereally-lit by a cone of weak street-lighting, who has managed to find shelter under a tiny awning and is now standing in peaceful solitude enjoying a cigarette. When he turned towards her, face wreathed romantically in plumes of smoke, she recognizes him. "Barney?" She shouts. Damn him, but if he doesn't look handsome and perfectly unruffled, with not a hair out of place. If she'd been standing out here for a half hour in the rain, she'd be soaked through, her makeup would have run all the way down to her chin, and she'd be thoroughly miserable.

He, of course, he merely smirks and beckons her over. The driving rain forces her to break into a run, almost tripping over her stiletto heels. When she reaches him, he pulls her in close, under the overhang. It's very tight, there's only really room enough for one.

"Hey, Scherbatsky." He drawls, and she can smell the whiskey on his breath. "Wanna take a ride on my disco stick?"

She scowls at him, snatches the cigarette from his fingers and takes a long drag, holding the smoke in her lungs before letting it out in a perfect "O" of a smoke ring.

Then she totally spoils the effect by coughing her guts up.

"Whoa there!" Barney says, laughing as she gets a little wetter, trying not to cough all over him. When she's just wheezing, he grabs her and pushes her against the brick wall - she can feel where it juts out into her butt.

He leans forward and kisses her, soft and first, but quickly it becomes a full-body experience, which is typical of Barney. His hands move from her face, to her breasts, to her ass, then to her thighs, the tips of his fingers hooking under the hem of her skirt. She knows that move and attempts to half-heartedly bat his hands away. But the fact is that they haven't had sex in a few days (the sneaking around is harder than it looks) and she's tired and sad and he tastes of smoke and fresh air and rain and before she knows it, her bare ass is hoisted up on the brick ledge and he's unzipping his fly.

He pushes into her suddenly, shocking her back into reality, and she cries out because it feels weirdly good, weirdly rough and ready. His hands hold her steady, take some of the weight of her on each thrust, but he lets gravity slam her back down onto him, and soon she's liquid inside, and pulsing and groaning and it's quick, too quick, before the world, the alley, the rain, even him, all whites-out and she knows nothing put pure, sweet bliss.

Which lasts only seconds because he lowers her back down to the ground with a jolt and whispers something about Lily trying to find her earlier and Robin suffers an attack of guilt and runs back into the club to find her friend. She's still adjusting her skirt and running her fingers through her hair when she pushes back into the club.

She wonders if anyone notices, or guesses what she's been doing out in the alley and she smiles, finding that she doesn't really care.

Wanna take a ride? (2/2)

From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2010-03-20 07:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
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